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A close male friend and I were chatting recently about a woman he'd met through a dating app. Everything was going great: There were several nights out with sleepovers involved, a meet-the-friends-type barbecue, a day-long outing involving rented bicycles, and regular flirty texting—all of which signified to him that things were on the fast track to 'relationship' territory. Then seemingly out of nowhere, things got weird: Dates were postponed indefinitely, texts went unanswered, and eventually, my confused friend waved his white flag.
She seemed like a normal girl who was into me My friend, you just got "ghosted. The relationship ends, though there's most often no formal explanation from the "ghoster. The ghoster can keep in contact just enough to make it look like nothing's wrong, while never actually having to talk to or confront the other person. Technology rules! It's a cowardly move. And one I tend to peg to the opposite sex. As someone who's been on the unfortunate end of the relationship slow fade, or "ghosting," more times than I can even count, I've become hardened to the notion that, for lots of guys in their twenties and thirties, falling off the face of the earth after wooing a lady for a month or two is pretty much par for the really shitty course.
To name a few: There was the law student who "needed time to study" and then, post-graduation, still couldn't find the time for me; the hotshot architect who mysteriously stopped existing on weekends; the hardcore band-frontman-turned-high school principal who went on a business trip to Mexico and, for all I know, just never came back; the jazz-educated med school student who was "just really bad at texting—my friends all bug me about it;" and the young English bartender who canceled our plans for a harbor cruise the morning of I'd bought the tickets, BTW.
Oh, and P. Somehow, though, it had never occurred to me that women could be the ghosters. Even my guy friend, the victim of a lady ghost, was confused. I'm not saying it's a rule, or that it's great I was intrigued and kinda sad So I crafted a little poll on Survey Monkey and used social media to share it. Ultimately I polled young people— women and 65 men—on their dating and breakup habits. Provided with the definition of "slow fading" as stated above, I asked each respondent about his or her history with ghosting.
