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Because I have decided to change my life. Mine is a still life. Has been. Had been. Will be. Will have been. Any conjugation the same.
Still for immobile. The three clustered consonants stubborn, the same way the clustered sores may permanently recur, a stain I cannot erase on the background of my vaginal canvas. The virus steady inside my nerves for more than a thousand days now, despite the turning of the years, the coming of my fourth decade. The ancient cells stationary inside the fibers of my body.
Have asked. Will ask. The questions continuing. Though I cannot stay silent; I must say the word: Herpes. The term, the revelation, is not a shock anymore. Just a tired repetition.
The first time a surprise on each first or second date. The same to me. Then silence. My phone stays silent, still, in my hand, no vibration or chime to alter the muteness of the museum, as I lift the screen for a still photograph of each still life, then click back to black. It has lit up lately with emails from recruiters, offering better careers. With acceptances to graduate schools, promising different futures.