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Marriage is a lot like physics — it runs into trouble when a third body is introduced. Both fields also experienced a revolution in the last century or two, with old ideas being replaced by new conceptions of how things work. The modern model goes something like this: a couple meets, feels strong chemistry, discovers shared interests, and starts having sex. Next comes economic partnership: living together, making and spending money together, getting ready for parenthood.
A spiritual dimension is added as each partner finds meaning and transcendence in their shared love. Finally, the wedding vows lock in the final requirement: that all of the above will now be provided exclusively within the couple, forever.
This exclusivity is meant to provide security, which has to take precedence in the trade-off against the other benefits of marriage. We accept that couples may face financial troubles, a drifting apart of interests and hobbies, decreased intimacy, and lackluster sex. I bought it on audio Perel narrates it herself with passion and a delightful Belgian accent , then immediately ordered a paperback copy for my wife, who read it in one day.
Relationship science seems to lag about 24 centuries behind physics, the modern model of marriage is quite reminiscent of Aristotelian physics. It is a neatly organized package of rules that makes sense when you see it on the page. The State of Affairs is a close inspection of the reality of marriage and adultery. The diversity of perspectives in the book is its great strength; it does not offer a single Theory of Relationships and is skeptical of all such attempts.