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Complaining is perfectly natural. Even the most Ned-Flanders-y of husbands gripe to friends about their spouses now and then, and for a variety of reasons. They might merely be trying to fit in while hanging with their particularly whiny bros.

It might also depend on what you and your partner consider unsharable marital information. There are some parameters, however, to help you figure out if your griping is providing you with a healthy emotional release or could be revealing cracks in your relationship foundation. In fact, he says, weird things can happen if you stew and obsess about issues that might feel less weighty if you shared them with a trusted friend.

The mind is complex, and verbalizing issues can create a kind of mental road map to link thoughts together, he explains. A good social network can consist of a close friend or family member or a mix of a few trusted people. Therapists also provide an outlet for people to express themselves in healthy ways. In addition to making you feel better by normalizing issues or helping you crystallize a problem, working through negative feelings about your partner with a friend might help diffuse a situation.

An Arizona University study found that when people complained about a supervisor to someone who merely agreed with them, they stayed angry and felt less hopeful about the situation. You also want to be thoughtful about what you share because friends might influence the health of your relationship more than you realize. Although talking about relationship problems with friends tended to be less stressful than discussing the same issues with a partner, researchers at East Carolina University found , they also concluded that discussing problems with others only improved the quality of the relationship when subjects also talked about those problems with their partners.