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It was a late afternoon for a hilarious dinner with my sons. The rest of us laughed to the point of tears as she offered to ask for their phone numbers on his behalf. Did you get all that? It is now the date that is forever etched in my brain as The Night Ben Died. The questions. The questions — from friends, family, and the occasional nosy acquaintance who should mind their own business — felt endless.

Some of them were spontaneous and well-meaning; others were intrusive; others came as statements, barely masking the curiosity beneath. Some of them had a tinge of judgment, either about Ben or about us after we published the cause of death in the paper.

It must have been such a shock to you, too. Many of the questions and statements about not knowing, about being surprised, condense into one underlying question. It haunts us. Accidents, illness, drugs, cancer, murder… we might ask why these things happen, and we might wonder what made this random twist of fate come home to our lost ones, but suicide is somehow seen as different. And suicide is seen by many as a choice made by the person who died. Ben made a decision the night he died; he completed suicide.